for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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