Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
