i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
