Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
