okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
