Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
