Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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