He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
