I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
