I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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