I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
