don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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