i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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