just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
