why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
