We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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