respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
