I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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