She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
