nut hugger
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
