When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
