1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
