Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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