I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
