So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
