in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
