I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
