Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
