I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
