Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
