you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
