I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Randomize
