You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
