You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
