I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
