Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
