You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She told me I should be a condom model.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
