someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
