I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
