The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
