you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
