Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
