Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
