The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
