there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
