Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
