I want to stick my p in your. b.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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