Please, let me fuck your mom
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
