the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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