Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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