She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
