Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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